Andi Pandi

So, last weekend, not this weekend, well the weekend that was nine days ago, not the weekend that was two days ago...anyway, that weekend...I went to see my big, stupid, moron, teeth-that-look-like-chicklets, tv lawyer that I hate.  While I was up there, several fun, or even INTERESTING things happened that can ONLY happen when you are visiting the Ozarks...

1. There is a new weather girl on the channel my parents watch and she was shaking like a leaf and kept repeating something about "so it will be cooler and then warmer"...like she was rainman or something...so they cut to the anchor woman: Lisa Rose--the only anchor woman on tv who wears suits that are too small and the buttons pull apart, but i will admit, does have a very pretty face...needs to lose about a 100lbs, but pretty face none-the-less (as an aside, i think that the people that are telling you about atrocities like rape and murder and children boiled down for crystal meth ought to look as aesthetically pleasing as possible...the same way as flight attendants should not look like the devil because well, if you are going to die, who wants a screaming obese woman burned as the last image in their brain?  Apparently not ALL airlines have gotten my memo about this...ahem...southwest...)  ANYWAY...So anchor woman tries to save the day and says to anchor man (who looks like Lurch) "So, I heard that Colorado already got snow this year" and Lurch says "Really? How much?!?" and she says (this is totally real and not even a little made up) "I heard nine or even SEVEN inches"...I have laughed about this for nine (or even SEVEN) days now...

2.  We had fun calling some girl at five in the morning because she called my cell phone TWICE at THREE in the morning on friday night and when i called her at ten the next morning she said "OOOIIIGAWD, I must have dialed the wrong number, uuuuh, sorry ahhaha"...so i set an alarm and woke up at five (if you know me, you know that this was some serious revenge) and called her like six times in a row and just let it ring and ring and ring...take that you tulsa-resident, valley-wannabe-bitch!!

3.  my lawyer finally paid my medical bills with the money he got from MY OWN FUCKING INSURANCE COMPANY...The fucker got the check from MY INSURER in AUGUST and on November 4th finally got around to cutting checks to get the damn fuck-monkeys off my back about collections...so now, i am out of medical bill-hell!!  We are still suing for money from Dead Guy's Estate, but it will apparently take years etc...more later on that...the key here is to note that my laywer actually did WORK and it was not even a full moon or anything.

4.  I got a little teensy kick back check from my insurance company--very teensy mind you and planned to spend a couple hundred dollars buying myself something nice and WOULDN'T YOU FREAKING KNOW?  i can't find a damn thing?  So, internet, send me your suggestions...what would you buy with about 200 dollars?  maybe even three hundred?  I think I can even be persuaded to give YOU a kick-back if you come up with a winning idea...be specific though because i have already looked at every shoe and purse in the OKC metro and don't like any!!

happy shopping!

Okay folks, this has to be brief...I am so busy at work that I had to actually start new meds!!  NEW MEDS, sweetie darling!!  Well anyway, they have kicked in and i no longer dream of SAS outputs, but am still wound pretty tightly...so tightly in fact that I rarely have time to even do my hair, much less think about writing to you all about the boredom that is andi!!

Here is my thought for the day lovelies:  I was in a meeting the other day and sitting next to me was a very house-wifey looking lady with a nice smile and an over-eager attitude.  She was wearing this enormous loud hawiian print shirt that was mostly orange and yellow and green--this is the new office chic, please...

the most interesting part was that on her wrist were orange, green and yellow "support" bracelets...WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ALL ABOUT?

"when i wear my pink shirt, i support breast cancer and when i wear my chartreuse pants i am supporting shitty diapers?"

no no no.  this is just so wrong.  pick your cause.  buy the damn bracelet.  wear it in support of your cause.  this is not lisence for over-kill or a good way to accessorize.

i wanted to shoot her.

the end.

Okay, so i had this fabulously long and informative entry about how i went for three bike rides last week and now it was all entirely uphill and how i lost my contact, choked on it, and ulitmately swallowed it....why i am called The Pants and matt's new stella.... but i have deleted it three times now and so to hell with it, i will try again tomorrow although i doubt if the message will be the same so look here for something less interesting and entertaining later...pants...