The eeefffff-ing Miracle
Oh... the fucking miracle of pregnancy.
The real miracle is that you somehow survive it.
It is a miracle of physics that I can simultaneously lose weight but get bigger.
It is a miracle that my body is able to sustain itself on suckie candies and tea.
It is a miracle that I am able to throw up even after I am physically empty.
It is a miracle that any man on earth sticks around to witness this. (i love you, steve)
It is a miracle that anyone has more than one child.
It is a miracle that I have not strangled the numerous women who say "I just loved being pregnant".
It is a miracle that I have any teeth remaining in my head from the avoidance of my toothbrush.
But dear internet, don't fret...I am happy to be pregnant...thrilled...elated....just ready to start feeling better so that I can start enjoying it.
