Acceptance Speech
I watched some of the Music awards last night. Mariah Carey: Go out and get yerself a little Jenny Craig contract there girlie!! I bet you heard those jeans sigh when you took (peeled) them off! Wow, nothing like a little snottiness to start out the day, eh?
So I was remembering when I was a little girl and thought I would someday be accepting an award somewhere for something and I would invent my acceptance speech. The best part was that I would purposly say snotty things to the people that were hurting me that day:
I would like to thank the Smithsonian for including my formulas in their new mathematics display. Especially since my trig teacher Mr. Metts said i was "not very good at math"...So Thank you to everyone but Mr. Metts!!
I would like to thank The Academy for nominating me for Best Female Performer in a Musical and I would like for Amy Lindeman to see me holding this little statue because she is not a very good actress and the only reason she got the part in Grease is because she slept with everyone.
As the only Supreme Court Justice of the United States with absolutely NO legal experience whatsoever except that restraining order I had this one time, I want to thank the President for entrusting all this power to me because I am only going to put real criminals in jail, not just because they were mean to me in high school but because these are the type of people who are mean to everyone!
So, yes, I suppose I have grown because I no longer compose these little speeches in my head. Perhaps though it is only because I no longer believe I am going to be winning any awards anytime soon?
In other news: I am still on BabyWatch 2005. The report is this: still no babies for me. I know that everyone is tired of hearing about it by now, but at Christmas time when everything is about Santa and presents and JESUS (the most important baby, right?) and everyone is sending pictures of their babies and I STILL FREAKING HAVE NONE PEOPLE?!
Angelina Jolie did the reverse family thing...adopted her babies first and then found a sucker to help her take care of them...oh wait...she has like millions of dollars for nannies and airplanes and stuff...DAMN ANGELINA JOLIE!
There is this lady who lives across the hall from me and she is in her late thirties and has a cat and is so crabby and mean all the time. She never says hi when she waddles by or stops to pet my dog if we are outside...Clearly she is mentally retarded, but I fear ending up like her.
All through high school and college mom would update us on our old babysitter: Michelle T. She was apparently in love with the Wrong Guy. And he kept her hanging on forever and all she ever wanted to do was have some kids of her own so she could finally stop babysitting everyone else's...and I used to be so snotty about it "god, i am never going to end up like michelle! she is so desperate and pathetic and why doesnt she dump that guy?!"
So here I am: Andi-Michelle...I should just go have it legally changed.
Blah blah merry christmas blah blah.
