Andi Pandi

today for your reading pleasure, my friend dianne, weight watchers cheater extrodinnaire will be summarizing todays meeting wherein i discover that i im incapable of losing weight.  blah.  stupid dumb retard self deprivation nazi concentration camp diet program that DOES NOT FREAKING WORK!!

Weight Watchers Leader: So Andi, you have lost 5 pounds, and here’s your bookmark to mark the occasion!”  (Everyone claps for Andi.)  So tell us, Andi, what words of inspiration or insight do you have for us about how you lost these pounds?

Andi: Well I’ve been really pissed off and absolutely starving most of the time.

WWL: Um, well….hmmm….really, Andi?  Well, you and I need to have a chat, don’t we?  Hmmmm. We do have some new people here potentially becoming members, so I’m sure they want to hear that we’re not wanting anyone to starve, ha!  Ok, let’s see…Dianne! You too have lost 5 pounds, and here’s a bookmark for you!  (Everyone claps for Dianne.)  So tell us, Dianne, do you have any thoughts to share with us?

Dianne: Well I just am like, really surprised that I lost at all this past week, because I like, went to Sonic 3 times. 

WWL: Um, well…really?  (Laughing nervously)  What exactly did you eat there?

Dianne:  Um, let’s see I got a small Coke and drank half of it.  And I got an order of Cheddar Peppers With Ranch Dressing.  And what I do is, I bite off the tip of the Cheddar Pepper, and then I like, squeeze out the cheese, and then I take my thumb like this (demonstrating with an air version of Cheddar Peppers) and scrrrrrrape off the outer coating on one side, which also usually ends up scraping out half the pepper, and then I dip it *just* a little bit in the dressing, and then I eat it!

WWL: (As everyone’s either laughing nervously by now, or buzzing among themselves in interest in how to beat the rules at Sonic.) Well that’s certainly creative!

WWL begins to go on to the next celebration, but is interrupted by a member sitting on the other side of the room who leans forward in her chair and turns to face Dianne and says, “So, now  how *exactly* did you do that?  Like, did you eat the whole pepper itself?” 

Dianne: Well, that depends.  Usually when I scrape off the coating on one side, I end up scraping out half the pepper as well, but sometimes it’s all still there to eat! 

Lady on the other side of the room: So do you eat any of the cheese?

Dianne: When you scrape it out, some of it remains behind, so you at least get the taste of the cheese, a little…you know, enough to feel like you’ve eaten a Cheddar Pepper.  But it’s not like when you bite off the tip, stick the open end in your mouth, and like *suck* all the cheese out of it and eat that!  No, no, no…this way’s about 1/3 of the points.