Disillusioned
Just plain old black font today...Is all I am in the mood for. Not that I am in a foul-run-for-your-life-her-second-period-this-month-is-here type of way, but just a downtrodden mess i guess...although, with my favorite cami on, so not everything is lost...
Last night I went to my favorite dinner group...I can easily say that because it is my only dinner group and for the most part, the only socialization I get outside of work-place type stuff...the people i have been thinking about for six months and chatting with and generally just loving, because they are always there and always care and make me feel loved...
Last night sucked balls. Several things occured:
1. I spent 50 plus dollars on gas and food just to go to this thing.
2. I was totally left out because I have no babies. Nor am I pregnant with babies. Nor am I even remotely likely to become pregnant with babies (thanks alot butthole)...thus I cannot possibly have anything even remotely interesting to say or talk about or anything...unless i want to move to the other table and talk ad nauseum about Star Wars. Can you see my delimma? As if it is not blatant enough and painful enough for me 99% of the time to not have babies, now i get to have it smeared in my face at the one dinner that I get to look forward to every three or four months...really, really nice.
3. My bestest friend had a headache and could not converse with me at all. again... nice.
4. I guess I just dont know these people anymore...I dont know what they are up to, or where they go, and I just dont have anything to talk with them about it seems. This is so strange, because I just loved chatting with them all before? I simply dont understand.
5. Sigh...Now I am faced with the feeling of being left behind...All of my friends grew up, made families and left me behind on the train to adulthood. I guess this is how it works...you move and the you make new friends...but I wasn't ready to move, and I dont want new friends...I want things to be exactly the way they were.
I am not going to anymore expensive out of town dinners. If anyone wants to drive down here and talk about their pregnancy or their baby or their precious adult life while I sit and sulk, be my guest.
