Andi Pandi

Pooooor Little Bodi...Chase....Bodi....Okay I renamed him!  It isn't like he was really listening to me when I screamed "chaaaaaaaaaaase!" anyway, so it is just as well.  I am going to try to figure out how to get some video up on this site of bodi running around the house.  He bounces off of walls, furniture, me, prissy and never stops running!  So Bode Miller? Got no Gold Medals? But you got a dog named after you, and that is JUST as cool, right?

London stories and pics are soon to come...It is just a matter of unpacking and figuring out where to start...Will definately NOT start with the MOM OF THE YEAR and her two Evil Evil daughters sitting behind me on the flight home.  I had no idea that you could actually breed kick-boxers, but their kicking of my seat for an entire ten and a half our flight proved me wrong. 

I asked nicely.  Then I turned around and pointed my Mom-Finger at the little girl and said "knock it off" and THEN....I was knocked so hard in the back that I actually came forward out of my seat and I turned around and told the mom (who is oblivious) that her daughter had been kicking my seat for the better part of 4 hours and I was unable to get any sleep and she said (this is great...) "she is TRYING to get comfortable so she can sleep"...

I, andi, being of unsound mind and lumpy body do swear at this moment that I will indeed drug my children with cold medicine every time we fly on inter-continental flights.  there you have it, get dhs on speed dial, i don't care.

OOOh and also, besides the evil evil girls behind us, Hitler's OWN baby was sitting in the row ahead of us on the other side.  About every twenty minutes or so, he would just let out a huge shriek, cry, scream, laugh or just noise!  and the MOM (seriously, you have to use that term so lightly these days because it no longer indicates any sense of control-over-a-situation) told the flight attendant "we have two other kids at home and they are just rowdy also...we just have wild kids"...greeeeeeeat...good job. way to be a good parent.

So everytime I started to nod off, Hitler's own baby would scream and I would get kicked in the back.  I think that this was better training than the CIA can offer me...Seriously.  If i can make it through 10 hours of this particular kind of hell and keep secrets at the same time?  The CIA needs me.

HI! My name is Chase!  I am called that because I like to be chasin' that fine piece of ass named Prissy around the house...When she stands still long enough I like to give her a taste of my puppy-mojo and hump on her a little!  She can't resist me!

This morning I tried walking on a leash and I hate it!  I thought if I pretended to hang myself with it that my mom would cut me loose!

I also took my first poop outside this morning!  And it went so well that I decided to turn around and take a big bite of it!  It tasted great! I love my poop!

I stayed up all night crying last night again...My mom keeps telling me to "hush" and "shut the fuck up" but I think that I can break the world record for puppy-shrieking!  18 hours and going strong!

You can drop a line and tell me how cute I am or encourage me with my screaming...Mom seems so proud of me!!  She is so sweet for giving up sleep for all these nights so I can be the biggest puppy-winner ever.

Note from Chase's Mama: That little bastard better shut the fuck up and let me sleep or I am going to give him that neutering myself with a kitchen knife!

Hello from london! 

Am freezing my ass off.

Turned 29 over international waters.

NEVER ever ever again forget to upgrade airline classes...hugest monumental mistake.  entire body was in pain when i finally stood up after the nine hour flight...in good news though? they served a three course meal and it was yuuuummy!  included cheesecake AND chocolate!

Went to notting hill today and took pic in front of Travel Bookstore! 

Still no union jack hat and no fergie sightings, so i will have to keep an eye open!

pip pip cheerio mates!

APPARENTLY...There are people reading this site who have not been approved for this type of matierial...

To clear some things up....

White Trash...hmmm...apparently this is the highest form of insult on the planet...EXpecially if you are a born and bred Okie...I can certainly think of worse things to say...but alas, my cease and desist notice has arrived.

New Rules:

If you are under the age of 16 (this will constantly be changing as I see fit), you should not be here and should not be reading this.

If you are a pregnant teenager, you should not be reading this.

If you are entirely rude to me on a regular basis? Don't read this.

If you think that you are superior to me because you are older than me? Don't read this...your age means nothing to me...

If you routinely think that you should notify my mother and tell her to "make Andi......" then you ought not be here...

If you are a Susan Sarandon Loving Ultra Liberal? Don't read this.

If you think that abortion is cool and like the new hip thing? Get out of here right now.

If you have creative commentary or something interesting to say, I encourage you to respond, but if you are just even MORE hateful than I am? You need to leave because I cannot have you stealing my thunder on my very own site...

First Amendment.

The End.

Dear Stranger Person,

If you are new here then you don't know that I smile all day long...and also: Whistle Dixie!  And I put on this lovely little show for everyone that says "i am the happiest person alive and Disney is so sad that they lost me before they were able to animate me".  My blog though?  Is for all the deep mean crap that I think all day.  But, since you don't believe me, here are five things that I am happy about right now: (real happy,  not the fakey kinda tricking-you happy)

1.  I am going to London next week! London, England, like the actual city where good books come from--NOT London Texas where well...nothing comes from, but maybe like 200 people and they are all trying to leave...

2.  My hair!  Yes, i know it is shocking and beyond belief, but I like my hair right now!  My sissy got me this enormous powerful brush for my birthday and it is making me fanfuckingtastic!

3.  As you can see from the sidebar, I lost 5 more pounds, so I am at a grand total of nine again! hahaha!! ("wasn't she -9 like in december?" YES, I WAS...but then there was ham.

4.  I went and got my toes done at lunch today and they look so pretty and I was with Sarah and we got to talk about girlie things...(no mention here about how i accidentally flung a bottle of nail polish on the floor and it broke in a million pieces and splattered on my jeans and shoes and the floor and the wall and nearly on a girl sitting there...and also no mention of the strange girl sitting next to me who wouldn't shut up...see? happy!)

5.  I was happy recently to find out that a friend of mine thinks that Jesus was a strong, tough guy.  I always thought he was a meek, wet-noodle kinda guy, but she said that the whole "turn the other cheek" thing was like a sign of arrogance in that time!  And that jesus was hunky and manly!  What a relief that is!

See? Happiness abound!  If you don't believe those five, how about this one:

6. I am getting a new puppy!! Go visit him here:

http://search.petfinder.com/petnote/displaypet.cgi?petid=5801121

So, everyone here by now realizes that I am not politcally correct.  I eat animals, I wear animals and I dont give a damn.  I understand that people hunt...I dont like it, but I am not going to go around preaching to a bunch of people with guns and beer...This though:

I defy anyone to explain to me how it is that THIS sweet little creature is worth being hunted?  Coats are just as warm made up of mink...which are, HELLO? VERY MEAN!

It is not like these little seals are out there hunting humans...or even running for God's sake...They are laying on ice...Their top speed is like one yard per hour...So even the term "hunting" is not applicable here...Hunting is a SPORT...you chase and then you use strategy and you aim and you kill...sudden death. 

I don't condone it, but I do realize that there is some skill involved.  I can appreciate that the deer over populate the forest and then everyone starves...Some deer must die...(However, they must also be clearly labeled if you plan to use them in chili).

Baby seals are not depleting anything!  There are more than enough teensy fish to go around.

Imagine you are just lounging around Barnes and Noble and thinking "what a lovely latte I am having...no one even had to die for it!" and then BLAMO!  You get hit in the head with a club...and you don't even die before someone starts cutting your skin off!

I think that is enough graphic detail.  NO KILLING OF BABIES.  This is a strict rule from now on.

Join me in boycotting Red Lobster until they stop buying their seafood from Canada in response to the barbaric practice that is the seal hunt.

p.s. Red Lobster is gross anyway...go get yerself some decent seafood flown in from the pacific...not CANADA.

So, Everyone knows that last weekend was the weekend of my long awaited settlement with the dead guy that tried to impale me with his Yukon Denali.

So, rather than actually give me a bunch of money for my trouble...six months in a wheelchair isn't worth much these days...especially when the cunt-faced-twat-licker of a girlfriend has PTSD and can NEVER FREAKING WORK AGAIN because her boyfriend killed himself with the front end of my car...I felt like I was on the price is right....

Six months in a wheelchair...my value? (ONE MIIIILLLLION DOLLARS), actual value? ONE HUUUUNDRED dollars.

Titanium plates and ten screws in left leg, my value? ONE MIIIILLLION DOLLARS...going rate for screws these days...approximately one hundred dollars.

Hours of physical therapy to be able to walk again?  (one miiiillllion dollars....getting a little less enthusiastic)  actual value?  one hundred dollars...grunt.

Second surgery to actually REPAIR the stupid broken leg for good?  one million dollars, right?  nope.  one hundred dollars.

Five months of missed work and returning to work with 70 vacation hours in the hole?  actual value? 35 thousand dollars?  nope.  one hundred dollars.

Are you seeing a trend here?

Boyfriend dying and you becoming a money hungry bitch that i hate?  Apparently, worth seventy thousand dollars.....i know people that would throw their boyfriends in front of freaking yukons for the seventy grand...

Never being able to work again because you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?  Free to her!  How much does it cost the tax payers of america?  like ONE MILLION DOLLARS...and with our luck she will live forever....

sigh....