oh god...i am so bummed out...i just composed this beautiful entry that had all these lists of seven things because bethiclaus asked me to and i spent all this time on it and then in a stupid fit of epileptic insanity i spazzed out and hit something and restarted my computer. god, i am as stupid as russsel crowe. (you will understand tomorrow when i recreate the whole thing...sorry if it is not as funny as the one i just fucked up...)
Okay folks, this has to be brief...I am so busy at work that I had to actually start new meds!! NEW MEDS, sweetie darling!! Well anyway, they have kicked in and i no longer dream of SAS outputs, but am still wound pretty tightly...so tightly in fact that I rarely have time to even do my hair, much less think about writing to you all about the boredom that is andi!!
Here is my thought for the day lovelies: I was in a meeting the other day and sitting next to me was a very house-wifey looking lady with a nice smile and an over-eager attitude. She was wearing this enormous loud hawiian print shirt that was mostly orange and yellow and green--this is the new office chic, please...
the most interesting part was that on her wrist were orange, green and yellow "support" bracelets...WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ALL ABOUT?
"when i wear my pink shirt, i support breast cancer and when i wear my chartreuse pants i am supporting shitty diapers?"
no no no. this is just so wrong. pick your cause. buy the damn bracelet. wear it in support of your cause. this is not lisence for over-kill or a good way to accessorize.
i wanted to shoot her.
the end.
Oh my god, i am a poet and i didn't know it! yay me!
1. My pants are baggy my pants are baggggggy!! ha! eat that weight watchers bitches!
2. Boss returned from vaca, office no longer totally silent and dull!
3. Total cheat-er-roo on the diet this weekend, but when, WHEN, i ask you can you NOT eat an entire platter of ROTISSERIE chicken enchiladas?
4. new meds: voila!! panic seems to be decreasing which means that unhappiness overall seems to be decreasing, which means tooth grinding may actually stop soon which means that i will not need dentures by the time i am thirty! yay me!
5. Happy birfday laine! You may be a year older, but at least your hair is fabulous--what is more important i ask you?!
6. car is so nasty filthy dirty and icky that i simply cannot bear it anymore...must be washed tonight.
7. ASS-Spankin Brand New season of crap on tv starts tonight! woah, right?! so i had to speak softly and gently to the Tivo this morning to get it all geared up for a season of hard work!!
8. I got a new pen cup, and i am so excited because now i can have all ninety pens that i like in ONE CENTRAL LOCATION!
9. chocolate...where aaaaaaare you? i'm gonna eatcha! yes, i am!
10. Okay, this was last year about two weeks from now, how far we have come? yes, that is a stupid wheelchair!! and yes, it does have a barbie bicycle bell on it...was the only thing that kept me from screaming at small children when they would come tumbling towards me like a freaking tumbleweed out of control!!
And before you make any comments AT ALL...YES i did stretch the picture so that all of us look a little thinner...don't leave me any comments...it was my artistic impression of how we all FELT at the time...thin, lithe, springy...well, cept for the wee babe, she felt squishy, and i know, because i was squishing her there!
So by now you all know that i do much better with lists and though i promise to deliver ten random thoughts for you, it appears that typically my brain only holds about eight...so i guess you have to take what you get and just be content knowing that my brain is about as full as it can be right now...maybe next week we will actually hit ten.
1. Micro-management at work while sweet boss is gone is making me bat-shit insane. ( i swear this counts as two because it is constantly on my mind...i had to actually RUN down the backstairs yesterday to ensure i got out of the building for lunch)
2. In a freakish time/space anti-continuum the other night my scale registered at 139. I KNOW!! It has not done that again since, but by god if i am down in the 130s this week at big fat weight watchers i swear i am gonna dance a jig. (if i am not, beware: i may pop someone in the mouth).
3. Rotisserie chicken from a store and a bunch of fresh veggies is TOO a meal and it DID take time to prepare AND a trip to the store, and you are a total fucker if you don't agree.
4. New Smoothie Maker: ooooh la la! I love me some smoothie action!
5. Where to find me when this reject project is done on october 31st? Arizona. Doing what? EATING MY ASS WIDE AGAIN.
6. Cousin had little teeensy premie last week and i am worried about the five pounder. Am hoping though that he will be fine and thinking that preemie clothes are just sooo cute and teensy!
7. Have appointment to deal with stress caused by said micromanagement AND chicken-meal rejection...am hoping for doublement of anxiety suppressing drugs ASAP.
8. Had to get shots for work yesterday and ewwww...and ooooow. hurtie my arm and then have sort of headache and malaise today...just overall unwellness all around because of big dumb shots. wah.
9. Strange desire to return to lincoln sneaking up on me. have had none of said desire in last seven years, but i guess it is time to deal with demons and just go for a visit. i think with psycho pace at work though that it will have to wait until the spring.
10. Going through pictures the other night whilst unpacking my shit and watching prissy romp around in the packing paper and realized that there are far far far too many pictures of me holding everyone else's babies. Seriously. Many.
In an effort to make my apartment bearable, I spent several hours tonight hanging my crap on the walls. Because I tend to move about every two years anyway, I have a pretty good idea of where shit goes...but this time I was hanging stuff without the aid of My Mother. This woman LIVES to hang shit on walls. She gets sooo excited about levels and LASER levels and measuring tapes and anchors and screws and it all makes me insane...
For me, it takes a simple two to three minutes to hang a picture or other hodgepodge shitty thing on the wall...I look at it, i pound an anchor into the wall and then i hang it up. I rely purely on the "eyeball" method. For me, this is fine...I would imagine that when my mother walks into this apartment, it will be like a Salvador Dali experience for her...things will be melting down the wall to her...
For me, if i noticed that something in a "pair" was not hung level-ly, I just grabbed the hammer, and pounded the nail or screw a little up or down. What is the problem with this method? Now, everything is mostly straight, but EVERYTHING is off the floor, which is the main goal here, right?
Because I have not necessarily been the leading nominee for "Daughter of the Year" this year, I have left two paired prints for mom to hang in the dining room. This also means I have to leave two hours of my live devoted to "assisting" her in this chore.
This all reminded me of the window valance. I think it is just beautiful. We sewed it together, while I had a leg in a cast with the new, shiney, six thousand dollar, titanium plate put in. So after the sewing, we used the staple gun (okay, seriously, who else wants to try to shoot it at someone? would it work? would it even pierce the skin at three feet? am dying to know, please write if you have pioneered in this field) to mount the valance to a big two by four by 72" board that was then to be hung above the big window with little L shaped metal thingies. So, since i was all broken at the time...I was unable to help with the L shaped thingies going on the wall. But i watched for hours as mom kept trying to get it in...Offering sound advice like "quit hitting yourself in the head with it, or you will get a concussion"...Then after we hit the two hour mark, i decided, broken leg or not, i am going to hang this fucker because i am bored watching this escapade. After wrestling the electric screwdriver out of her hand, I looked at it, turned the switch from "reverse" to "forward" and had the valance up in about three minutes.
We still, to this day, do not talk about this incident. Although I am not sure if it is because i figured out the screwdriver before her or because all of the concussions caused her to forget the incident all together.
Hello pretties! I cannot even begin to tell you HOW addicted I am to my little blog stat thingie down in the corner! I am constantly amazed that literally TENS of you show up to read this crap each day! And most of you seem fairly normal...although the person that found me through a search for "wearing my sisters panties"...well i just gotta say...that is fucked up...BUT...glad you are here anyway.
My goals for this week are simple:
1. no nervous break downs. (straight forward, eh?)
2. keep doggie from ruining brand new apartment carpet. (easier said than done, as she is five pounds, and three of them are piss, shit and vomit)
3. try not to be a total loser and dress casually EVERYSINGLEDAY while my boss is away on vaca...very, very difficult...especially when the only thing that feels good right now is sweat pants and a hoodie...don't ask why--one would think that in 90 degree weather that a hoodie would not seem like the first choice, but i love it and am wearing it and don't care.
4. learn how to style my hair. i love the color (s)...and i love the cut, but without professional nearby each morning to make it look decent, i mostly wander around looking like a homeless person right now.
5. figure out how the clothes that all fit into ONE solitary closet at the old apartment now require TWO separate large closets to accomodate...WHY, WHY!?
okay enough of that, we all know what i am going to do this week: overeat, bitch about being fat, have screwy hair, sit on my expanding booty and complain about the weather/news/state of apartment etc...but it was good thinking that something beyond that could/would happen, right?
I know that all one of you are begging and pleading for the details of my vaca!! Here they are: we ate. Thank god for the eating!! again, weight watchers was damned and i ate and ate and ate...and THEN i skipped the stupid weigh in and had a cherry limeade instead!
The OTHER thing we did was my hair...everyone has come and touched it and for that i love you. sooo cutsie pie AND not at all what i would have chosen for myself...although for the last 15 years i have chosen for myself the exact same hair...so i guess...sigh...it was time for change.
During:
After:
My boss came by the other day and said it was nice, and then i asked him if he really meant it and he said "yes" and i said "would you tell me if you thought it was horrible?" and he said "no"...so i guess there is my answer. i personally feel much more spritely with it this way--although i have to admit that i am stretching it every night as i fall asleep...ha!
Also in the picture is my darling little sister who FREAKED OUT...while she was doing the color for me...ha! She was just absolutely certain it was going to be shite and not turn out...i had to remind her that you MAY want to start telling your clients that sort of information BEFORE THEY HAVE 200 PIECES OF FOIL ON THEIR HEADS...
In other interesting news, i did NOT pick up any radio stations with all of the foil--and OH! I did NOT set off the airport alarms either and i was really disappointed about that because well...i wanted to! It seems that if you are going to go to the trouble of having a big plate put in your leg, you may as well get to show it off every now and then, right?
Okay, did ANYONE know that you could retain an entire lake by having a bloody mary on the plane?
For those of you who do not have 10x mag eye glasses, that says 2000 grams of sodium!!! TWO THOUSAND!!! No wonder i always feel like shit after I fly! and the damn bloody marys MAY be the reason that my weigh-ins are not going as well as planned!!
Okay, so now that i have mastered the art of the photo-blog, I will be able to regale you regularly with the things that I see...like this:
When I, like frank, harry and fred who are building this ugly thing behind my parking lot wonder: "Where DID we put the damb ladder and oh, where is the generator also?"...these things were suspended by a CRANE about 50 feet in the air behind my building...I am going to start doing this with my shoes.
So many things to talk about this blog, and yet, since i am lazy and on vaca, i am going to gloss over them...ha! consider this your teaser.
My layover yesterday was in denver and was for seriously four hours. it was just damn pathetic. i seriously considered napping on the pleather chairs, but then remembered i had my jewelry in my carry on and it would be just like some stupid south dakotan to steal it.
The airline lost my luggage...well, not so much lost as "didn't make it on the plane"... we stood at the carosel for what seemed like hours and then i had that sinking "oh god, i am going to have to rinse and repeat these panties for the rest of the damn week" feeling. so we went to the airline's counter and he said "your name?" and i told him and he said (i am totally serious, with two witnesses to this...) "oh, i heard of you". ANYTIME someone says that to me i just cringe...i know that my antics are known around the midwest, but never thought that my insanity was known around the continent.
blah blah...the bag got to my sisters house around midnight...luckily i had totally packed 40 lbs of toiletries in my carry on...oh, the carry on: BITCH BAG. Pretty little red tote that was over a hundred dollars...TURNED MY CUTEST LITTLE WHITE TOP PINK...on the area of my shoulder and hip. how upsetting is that? i am not even sure the stupid thing can be washed...but we are going to attempt to repair the insanity...or dye the entire shirt pink. so anyway, i didnt have to store my contacts in tap water or anything stupid like that.
so today was full of lovely eating: ellen at weight watchers? i ate everything i damn well pleased and i dont care if it makes your little blonde head quiver in fear...it felt good and i am gonna do it again tomorrow.
tomorrow we are taking it easy...sissy is gonna do my hair--fall means red streaks in my otherwise white-ish blonde tresses! yay for variety. dinner at the melting pot!!
I plan to be having so much fun that i will have no time for blogging, but tonight sissy and bro in law went to the gym, and as you can imagine...i do NOT fucking work out when i am a vacationista!!
kisses lovelies!
