Five FREAKING weeks? How did this happen?
Okay so every week i get this email from aol or parenting or the merged aol-parenting people that tell me the little milestones our fetus is having for that particular week...and how much she weighs (approximately) etc. At first I forwarded them to steve who was always appropriately "that's cool, she's as big as a thumb" or "cool, she's covered in fur". My pregnant brain forgets that he has been through this not once, but THREE other times, so none of this is really as exciting to him as it is to me....although I am pretty sure that it is really only exciting to the person going through it anyway and husband or not, everyone on earth is just humoring the pathetic pregnant-obsessed lady. that's okay, I like the humoring, carry on.
So yesterday's thingie was like "blah blah, in your last five weeks, blah blah" and i was like "whaaaaa?" How did this happen? we are down to five weeks now? Like seriously, five weeks until an actual baby, a HUMAN baby comes to our house? (well, i know alot of you out there are going "yeah yeah first time mom, you will be two weeks late like we all were, so just relax and unclench a little already".) FIVE WEEKS!!
It occured to me that there are several things I wanted to learn or do before this baby came, and i am coming up a little short on checking them off:
1. Learn better spanish, for to teach the baby...um, yeah...that didn't really happen.
2. Learn sign language for to teach the baby...um, again, not really likely. and besides if i hear one more person in Target say to her infant (who is screaming bloody murder) "use your signs"...I cannot be held responsible for what I say or do to them. (and we dont want the baby born in prison, so I am OFFICIALLY giving up on sign language).
3. Have a honeymoon. Okay, well, SOPHIE actually thwarted this plan, but we are going to take one as soon as i get back to my "fighting weight" and that blue shiney bikini in my closet stops haunting me. (i swear, when was i a size 6 again?)
4. Go home and visit mom and daddy. They live in the country. sorta. the country outside of a town. a smallish town. a town so smallish that i can get away with wearing plaid flannel pants to Walmart without brushing my teeth and TOTALLY blend. It is like my movie-star version of montana...you know how they all "sneak" away to Montana to hide out? I am hiding out in Missouri.
5. Go to Dallas, ONE. MORE. TIME...I dont know why. We got engaged down there. We used to go to football games and smooch in the stands down there. We shop at Ikea down there...I think basically because it is Anywhere But Here.
6. Learn how to cook something. My friend carrie is attempting to help me with this, but I have to tell you, I am gonna look pretty rough for about two months and leaving the house is going to be Not Fun, so I am going to have to learn how to cook something because my sweet husband will only survive on applesauce and cereal for so long. (on the upside, i can bake the HELL outta some stuff, and we will not STARVE or anything, just be obese and continue to be haunted by the blue bikini).
7. God, this is embarressing: I need to learn some bedtime stories and some children's prayers. For the nights when Steve can't be there to coach me through it, I need to learn this stuff...I suck. I know.
8. Make curtains for the kitchen. (there is a small, very small chance that i may get this done still...very small.)
Okay I think you get the idea. I am not totally unprepared to be a parent, but did not realize that we would go from like 20 weeks pregnant to 35 in the course of like one minute. (although if you check out this belly, you would be all "um, girl, that did NOT happen overnight...").
